The 'Specialist'

Sounds like the title to a bad horror flick! I went into see the 'Specialist' this morning. He was a very pleasant fellow who stuck a tube (with camera) up my nose and down my throat to take a look-see. I have had a great many medical procedures in my day but none quite as disturbing as looking at the inside of my nose... GROSS! Nobody should ever be subject to that, and it isn't like they give you notice to blow and clean up a bit - they just spray the numbing medicine and whip out the tube!

Long story short - I have right side vocal cord paralysis from my gentle surgeon mashing my delicate neck back and forth. Doc says my voice should come back in 1-3 months and until that time, I will have the great pleasure of choking on my food and water and sounding like Mickey Mouse. They are ordering speech and swallow therapy to help me get through the next 2 months and I follow up the beginning of August.

I hope, hope, hope it doesn't really take that long. I mean, I can't talk! I can't holler, I can't yell. Do you know how hard it is to scold a dog while not laughing because I sound like a pissy Mickey?! It is really ruining my reputation around the house.

One more thing - the sensation that I am being choked - the pressure... he said it will take another 2 weeks for that to go away and it is just from surgery. I suppose of the two issues, this bothers me the most because it is anxiety forming. 2 weeks - I can do anything for 2 weeks.

******

7/1/10 - update! Went to the doctor yesterday and was told that I have 2 more weeks off. They don't want me going back to work until the breathing is better and swelling has gone down. So at this point, I am crossing my fingers for a return to work on 7/19.

*****

We are so excited to hear that our dear friends M&M are going to be able to take their little Ben to the temple soon. What a wonderful blessing. I was thinking the other day, after reading her post - people who have children naturally do not get this extra opportunity in the House of the Lord. Just another one of the many, many reasons adoption is such a special path to follow.

We look forward to meeting our Birth Mother than will allow us to take our child to the temple to be sealed for eternity. Where ever you are, what ever you are doing, please know that we are praying for you and thinking about you on a daily basis. Some way and some how we will find each other and your gift will complete our family.

*****

Good Things to Come

Watch and share a new Mormon Messages video, "Good Things to Come," in which Elder Jeffrey R. Holland recalls his days as a poor young father with a broken-down family car and testifies that for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, there are better days and good things to come.

Final Interview Day!

Today was our final interview day. We have one step left to approval; CORE training. We should be attending CORE training, signing our paperwork and active on July 9th. But today, today was 'the interview', you know the one where you answer questions about your past and relationships separately and confidentially... Well, after 13 years of marriage - we already knew each others answers. But it was still an interesting experience to go through again. Again, you ask - well yes, again. Read on.

We left early, stopped for doughnuts in Greeley and drove leisurely down to the LDS FS office. We arrived early intending to go to the cannery to load up on sugar and flour. We had everything filled out only to find that they are closed on Fridays! Ah, darn. We decided that we will stop by again on our way back from Arizona in a few weeks.

As we sat in the shade of the trees in the parking lot, we chatted about what we were expecting the interview to be like, what they might ask, how we felt about it. We watched K, our case worker, pull in, unload his car, reload a car, buzz around front, run inside. I commented to R that he seemed to be very over worked. He is always in a meeting, on the phone, out doing a visit, getting back from a visit. Seems like he just goes and goes and goes. I pondered out loud, “I wonder if he likes his job. I know he gets paid, I wonder if the fulfillment of making eternal families everyday makes up for all of the stress.” R assured me that K must be one of the most blessed people we will ever know. He, for a living, gets to help families come together, for eternity. Can you imagine? What an amazing thing to behold once, but to be part of and behold it again and again. I am in awe of K and his dedication to his job, beliefs and the eternal principles that we hold near and dear to our own hearts. K's sweet personality and strong testimony of the truth of what he does permeates everything around him. We feel comforted just being near him and having him help us through this process.

We met with K, finished our paperwork and went through our interviews. It was painless and actually pleasant. K helps make this process comfortable. People keep asking me how the paperwork is going and I keep saying that it is fine. They ask if we have questions, no – not really. It is funny because when I started working in Law Enforcement R and I both had to go through intense interviews, they dug into our past – deep, deep into our pasts – and I did a polygraph test, twice. Compared to that, this process is peachy! There is nothing in our past that has not already been dug through and sifted, held to light and examined. We are comfortable with who we are, the paths that have taken us to the place we stand today. We stand together, as one, united and together walk our path in life; we walk together through all things. We are very at peace with this process and our present place; we receive daily verification that we are on the right path, that there is a Birth Mother out there, somewhere for us, that we will be re-united and will be able to start our family with her help.

We left the city, did some grocery shopping and came home. I was a bit swollen when we got back, so I went to lie down. Our dear neighbors (I use the word neighbor loosely), brought us dinner. I cried – they are so thoughtful and helpful to us over the past weeks. Our neighbors, Sandy and Dan Carter live about 4 miles east and 5 miles south of us on 100 acres. They are just on the other side of ‘town’. As members of the church who share the same values and lifestyle we do, they are a blessing to us. We are learning from them and them from us. I cried from their honest care and concern for us. I cried from their ability to know we needed their help and their ability to hear and heed the spirit. We are so blessed.

The new addition!

Just a quick note to say "Yay!! Our new baby nephew is here!"

H & A had their fourth child this week; Davin born on Wednesday will be coming home tomorrow. I vaguely remember Grandma saying that he was 20 something inches and 7 pounds 3 ounces give or take - healthy and whole was more my focus! Grandma is helping with the other two kiddos until H & A can settle in with the new little guy. He is so cute and I am anxiously awaiting permission to post one photo!

Down the gauntlet of grief and pain

All of our most personal feelings are related in our journal as they are much to tender to be shared in such a public place. We are careful to share just a glimpse of our lives and nothing too personal so this post was almost not crated. I am not sure why I feel impressed to share, but I do. Until I feel differently, this post will remain.
We are passing through three expected due dates over the next week. Our lost babies from 1997 (girl), 2004 (boy) and our dear sweet twins.

We have been so busy with surgery, recovery, life and adoption that it feels as though this week snuck up on me. I knew it was on the way - I always know, it is carved into my heart. Yet, I am not prepared to say goodbye to my babies again – I need more time to prepare myself, to postpone. I do not want to pass our due date tomorrow with empty arms. I want my babies here with me, particularly when it seems as though everywhere I turn families are being made, carried, born and brought home.

There are so many websites, blogs, books and resources out there for one to 'recover' from grief. I suppose it is the word 'recover' that I take offense to. To recover implies that I am broken, ill, in need of fixing. I suppose that may be true in some sense; but it seems to be my reality that a part of me is broken but will never be fixed. These pieces need to be gently held, acknowledged and incorporated into who I am. I will never be the same person that I was before we lost our first two children. I will never be the same person I was before November 17th at 9:15 when we discovered the loss of our twins. I can only hope that the grief I carry, the grief that is mine alone to bare will allow me, in some way, some shape to become a stronger more faithful child of God. To cling to His promised atonement, love and principles of eternal families. That this grief will work into my being to allow me to become the person that I must be, the person He wants and needs me to be.

I have been keenly aware of Heavenly Father over the last few days. I can feel His gentle love surrounding my heart, padding my soul. There are some pains that are too hard to bear alone; saying goodbye to my children is one of them. He knows these things and He knows that it is by His will that we endure and arrive enlivened and stronger in spirit and faith than before.
Through my grief, I took special care today to spend some time outside. I viewed this world, our land, and our many blessings and tried to do so with an open mind to inspiration and love. I cannot express the comfort I receive from being outside. Nature, our home in particular has been a great source of comfort to me over the past 9 months. This is my refuge, my place of renewal.

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?" ~Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

Though my heart breaks anew, I am promised that I will be able to hold and love my children someday. Heavenly Father is divine and knows my every need, my every care, and my every thought. He knows that this simple promise will be the one thing that can carry me thought this gauntlet of grief.
For those who are rejoicing, our hearts smile with you, we are so happy for you and your new families. For those who grieve, we know your deepest pain, we hear your heart and we send our love, our faith and our prayers that we will all find peace and comfort during the dark days, that the light will return and that we will meet on the other side to embrace it.

Wait... What did you say?!

I have been told many things, called many names, had many a comment made on my appearance over the years but never quite like the one I had today. I am not sure how I feel about it, it is true but that does not mean it is pleasant - I feel like the ugly duckling that just found out: 'nope, you are just an ugly duck.'

You must understand the surgery that I just had in order to appreciate the situation today. I had a severely herniated disc (between C6 & C7 for those of you that know what that means), at the base of my neck and shoulders for those of you who understand normal speak. The disc was pushing on the C7 nerve root and causing stenosis (narrowing) of my spinal column. Basically, I have been in constant pain and on numerous medications since the beginning of March when I fell at work. Yes, at work, on ice, in Colorado - go figure.

I underwent surgery on Friday afternoon to remove the disc, put in a bone graft then plate and screw it all together. I was kept in the hospital extra long (instead of a discharge Friday night like I hoped - I had to beg to get out on Sunday night)because I was having swallowing difficulties and could not breathe normally.

The surgeon tapered off the steroids, which were helping me breathe through the swelling and they ended last night. Today, I am hanging around the house, having trouble breathing like everyday since Sunday and the Work Comp Nurse called again to check in. She has been calling since Monday, but she has been calling my work cell, which is muted on the counter so I have not been answering. Anyhow, I decided to try her again this afternoon just to check in and see if there was something else I should be doing. As we started to talk, she asked about my voice since I sound like Mickey Mouse and my breathing which was labored (duh, the steroids ran out). She completely freaked out, told me to call the doctor immediately or go to the emergency room and hung up. I started to cry, which makes it harder to breathe - I mean, I am at home, 30 minutes from anywhere with no neighbors and no way to get to the doctor as quickly as she was telling me to. I called my better half and Mom. Mom had been talking to me all afternoon via email and knew I was not feeling well, particularly today and we were trying to figure out what was going on. She was also one hour ahead of him, so she was the ride I needed. He would meet us at the Doctor.

The Doctor looked me over, checked oxygen levels, pulse, respiration and such and said - 'You are having trouble breathing and swallowing because you have a lot of trauma in your neck from the intubation and surgery.' (Yep, doc - knew that already). Then came 'You have a short, fat neck, basically no-neck. So the swelling has no place to go, it is staying in your throat and moving into your face and chest.' OK! Now we are getting someplace - solution is to go back on steroids. Sounds great! Then it hits me; she just said I have a short fat neck - not the long luxurious neck of a swan that I have always envisioned?! Maybe I heard wrong. I asked - I heard it right 'short and fat, basically no-neck'. Interesting food for thought. This piece of honest truth is causing me to re-evaluate my entire self image. I guess tall, slender, elegant don't fit into this Stout's genes.

We went to the pharmacy, picked up some groceries and came back home. I am also instructed to sleep in my lazy boy instead of my super comfy California king bed - always the good with the bad. The Doctor was very firm that I not be left alone tomorrow because my swelling is severe enough that I may need to go to the emergency room. R is on a short day so Mom will be with me while he is gone. I am trying to find something fun to do tomorrow - a short drive, quick shopping trip. I'll probably wind up sitting on the porch watching my better half ride my mower and pout.

*****
I asked and was given a priesthood blessing. While the content is private and holy, I will say that my faith has been renewed and refreshed. I am not one to often ask for a blessing; most of the time just knowing that the option is available provides enough sustenance to get me through. I cannot explain the comfort, peace, joy and renewal that comes from having a worthy priesthood holder, also my dear husband of 13 years, place his hands on my head to pronounce a blessing. I am so blessed - even with my short, fat neck.

The road we travel

I have been home since Sunday night and the reality of the surgery didn't start to hit me until today. My neck and back pain is gone and has been replaced by a plate and 2 screws! My pain has also been temporarily replaced by foggy drug brain and choking but the pain is less, no more tingling fingers.

Overall, surgery went well and I am glad to be home. I was released 2 days later than originally anticipated and had some unforeseen complications. When the doctor came in on Sunday and told me they were going to keep me until Monday, I revolted! No way! I am done, I am leaving, just tell me what I need to do and I will do it... After a hard push on Sunday and a battery of tests, some pleading and begging on my part, I was released late in the day and able to come sleep in my own house with my animals and the smell of fresh healing country air. I am happy to be home and be back to living my life on my schedule and according to my timeline. It was hard to be gone from home for 2 extra days, extra unplanned days! My Family came to bat with the chores and endless things that needed to be done while I was out.

I started taking over some of my chores today, mainly the milking. I hadn't realized how much I enjoy the time outside, doing things around the house and for the animals. I also didn't realize how many chores there are! We are taking it slowly but are making it work. I am getting up a bit more each day, but like I said, taking it slowly. I have a new pain in the back of my neck, not sure what it is related to but trying not to aggravate it. I figure it must be part of the healing process. I'll take it easier tomorrow and maybe, just maybe I can talk the man into treating me to a short drive to town.

My time in the hospital gave me ample time to reflect on the many blessings I have. On the many ways Heavenly Father has prepared me to be in here, in this position at this time. The way that all of our small travels have gotten us down this road to recovery; not only physical but spiritual and emotional as well. We have come to know in our heart of hearts that we are blessed, blessed to be together and blessed to be living where and how we do. I am over taken by tears when I think of each individual trial, all of our losses and successes that have brought us here. We are on the correct path and only need to follow the road to the end. Endure, that is the final part of the puzzle. Who knew one word could hold so much power...

*****
Adoption:
We had our home visit today. Kelly, our case worker, came by to take a look around the place and chat with us a bit. I had not realized how stressed out I was about having someone come into my home and judge me. I know he isn't 'judging' me per-se and he has done tons of these visits but I wonder what specifically catches his eye and what specifically does he take note of. I wonder what crossed his mind when he realized that he was in the middle of nowhere but not far from town. I know without a doubt that Kelly is called of God to be a Case Worker and that he has been blessed with powers of observation to help make Heavenly Father's families reunite.

I wonder; does he have a sense of the match that will be made? Does he know in some part of his being what type of Birth Family will be attracted to each couple? I wonder how much his job weighs on his mind and how he copes with the excitement and release on a regular basis. We are blessed to be working with Kelly and are grateful for his expertise.

It is funny, we didn't frantically clean or put things away. After just coming home from the hospital the place was a bit rough around the edges compared to how it might normally be, but this is reality! I am glad Kelly was able to look past the cluttered counters and hopefully see the Family we are trying to build. We feel blessed to have met and be working with Kelly. He is an inspiring spirit and a fountain of wisdom. We are humbled that he even considers us worthy to take part in an adoption.

It seems as though we are surrounded by people who just delivered, are pregnant, have just received their placement or will be adopting in the next 2 months. I am thrilled for all of them and wish them the best. It is truly exciting to see so many families being started and completed through this miracle of adoption and at the hand of Heavenly Father and Kelly. We will continue to have faith that Heavenly Father will bless us with our child at the right time and when we are sufficiently prepared. I have faith - I must have faith, for without faith, there can be no hope.

*****
Website:
We have gotten some questions about our website that I thought I would share. Our website is coming along, although not quite on the timeline we expected. Somehow that doesn't surprise me or bother me. It seems as though nothing in our lives travel the anticipated time lines we have set.

Our website will encompass many areas, only one of which is adoption. We already have our blog and very soon will have our profile posted on the LDSFS website. We want Birth Mothers to know as much about us as possible and what a better way then a few pages on a website?! Yes, our profile will be up on LDSFS but we are limited in how much we can share and it can be overwhelming to view so many profiles and blogs while contemplating adoption.

We talk about adoption in our blog but our blog is mainly to share the goings on in our daily lives with friends and family who live far away and want to know about our latest adventure - it also saves me a ton of time in email! The Adoption portion of the website will only be geared towards sharing about us, our lives and families as a Birth Mother would like to know. Don't get me wrong, I want to get our names and information out there so our Mother will be able to find us but we are also private people and like to keep things of our lives private. I cannot imagine handing out business cards and putting magnets on my truck advertising our adoption intent. Dearest Birth Mother, where ever you are, I hope and pray that we will meet soon!

Secondly, we live on a ranch and have Purebred goats that we sell each year. Our website will assist us in selling these animals and will open new opportunities for breeding that may not otherwise be available. Gunner is a stud colt who may or may not remain intact. If we choose not to geld him, we will use the website to promote his stud services.

We also have a "Country Life' Section (this might be the part that I am most excited about!). It will cover gardening, food storage, self sufficiency, our animals, crafts, sewing, recipes, cooking, photography and just general suggestions shared from us and our readers to help teach skills and crafts that will enable one to engage in a self sufficient life and making the most of what you have. We are excited to have this portion of the website dedicated to a lifestyle that we are coming to embrace and so many others want to share.

Surgery... again?!

I took a bad fall back in March and wound up with a badly herniated disc and moderately severe stenosis of the C7 nerve root and spinal cord. In English, I fell and hurt my neck, badly. The pressure from the herniated disc is pushing on the nerves that control my left shoulder, arm and hand. It is also pushing on the spinal cord. They did a grip test, 95 pounds of pressure in my right hand (average for women if 78 - I am super woman!) 35 pounds of pressure in my left hand (average for women is 68 - I am wimpy). I have muscle weakness in my arms also - I dropped the cat. They tried the grip test again after traction and I had 95 and 65, so improved but not nearly as much as they expected. Based on my right arm, they would expect my left to be somewhere around 87ish. We have tried physical therapy, chiropractic, traction, modified duty and massage to no avail. Drat! On the plus side, I lost 3 more pounds from stress and being on pain killers. Silver lining people - we always need to look for the silver lining!

So tomorrow midday, I will be going to Medical Center of the Rockies and will be having a fusion of the C6/C7 vertebrae tomorrow. I have done my research on what and how they will do what they do, but it is still a new surgery involving nerves and other such delicate body parts that I would rather not have a doctor poking and prodding.

We are not sure at this point if I will be required to stay over night, we are hoping that I will be released to spend the night at home. I am grounded at home for the next two weeks. If you have any great suggestions on movies, books, crafts or TV shows I can watch online, please, please let me know! We will keep you posted on progress and prognosis as we can.

*****

I ran across this blog http://www.gulleygreenhouse.blogspot.com/ when they sent their new weekly email. I know some of you are out of the area, but their blog is totally worth a look-see. They have a great recipes, gardening tips and craft ideas. I love the idea they posted today 'Pounded Flower Prints' and want to try it this week with Mom and Makaela!

*****

Our adoption interview is back on and scheduled for Tuesday. Luckily they decided to do the home visit because we live so far away, but it also works well for me because I can't leave the house! We have a bit more paperwork to do and a lot of interviewing, but we are back on track and hopeful that July 9th is still the 'go live' date for us.

Lifting Burdens: The Atonement of Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ was the only one capable of carrying out the Atonement for all mankind. The only way for us to be saved is for someone else to rescue us. We need someone who can satisfy the demands of justice—standing in our place to assume the burden of the Fall and to pay the price for our sins. Jesus Christ has always been the only one capable of making such a sacrifice.

From before the Creation of the earth, the Savior has been our only hope for "peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come" (D&C 59:23).

Only He had the power to lay down His life and take it up again. From His mortal mother, Mary, He inherited the ability to die. From His immortal Father, He inherited the power to overcome death. He declared, "As the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself" (John 5:26).

Only He could redeem us from our sins. God the Father gave Him this power (see Helaman 5:11). The Savior was able to receive this power and carry out the Atonement because He kept Himself free from sin: "He suffered temptations but gave no heed unto them" (D&C 20:22). Having lived a perfect, sinless life, He was free from the demands of justice. Because He had the power of redemption and because He had no debt to justice, he could pay the debt for those who repent.

Jesus's atoning sacrifice took place in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross at Calvary. In Gethsemane He submitted to the will of the Father and began to take upon Himself the sins of all people. The Savior continued to suffer for our sins when He allowed Himself to be crucified—"lifted up upon the cross and slain for the sins of the world" (1 Nephi 11:33).

On the cross, He allowed Himself to die. His body was then laid in a tomb until He was resurrected and became "the firstfruits of them that slept" (1 Corinthians 15:20). Through His death and Resurrection, He overcame physical death for us all.

Jesus Christ redeems all people from the effects of the Fall. All people who have ever lived on the earth and who ever will live on the earth will be resurrected and brought back into the presence of God to be judged (see 2 Nephi 2:5–10; Helaman 14:15–17). Through the Savior's gift of mercy and redeeming grace, we will all receive the gift of immortality and live forever in glorified, resurrected bodies.

Although we are redeemed unconditionally from the universal effects of the Fall, we are accountable for our own sins. But we can be forgiven and cleansed from the stain of sin if we "apply the atoning blood of Christ" (Mosiah 4:2). We must exercise faith in Jesus Christ, repent, be baptized for the remission of sins, and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

—See True to the Faith (2004), 14–21

Through it all

With all of the animals we have, it seems that one or two are always hurt, sick, or otherwise suffering from some ailment or other.

This the the story over the last few weeks/months:
Sky is still blind; in case you were not aware, glaucoma is not reversible. So she gets eye drops twice daily and blood pressure pill and fish oil in the evening. Being that she is only 6, we have many years to perfect our pill giving and eye dropping. One thing in Sky's credit - she is a whole lot easier to treat than Bella was when she tore her eye lid 4 years ago. Perhaps it has something to do with the 45pound dog vs. 1500 pound horse thing... Hmmm, good food for thought!

Dozer went in to the vet 2 weeks ago for a bad tummy rash. They determined that he is allergic to 'something'. Whatever that something is has yet to be determined. He was on antibiotics and benadryl three times a day for a week. The infection part of the rash is gone but he still has a rash. So Dozer gets benadryl twice daily; not that he minds daily hot dogs or cheese slices. He is up to 56.6 pounds at 2 years old. I hope he stops growing soon, but the vet said to expect another 10-15 pounds. Note to self - start working out again, specifically weight lifting!

Shigom went into the vet 4 months ago after Dozer ran into her and badly bruised her shoulder. Then Max attacked her - Yes, the horse attacked the dog! It was horrible and hences I must share my horror... I had fed Max (grain and hay) and Shigom was sneaking in the stall to eat the grain while I was brushing him. Well, he was occupied and 'Mom' was near so he was minding his manners and being the sweet 2000 pound baby I know him to be. I finished what I was doing and turned to leave. Shigom made one last attempt for a bite and Max reared up and tried to stomp on her. Luckily he missed and just knocked her over. Next thing I knew he had her in his mouth and threw her 6 feet into the air and slammed her against the barn wall. I screamed to distract Max and Shigom was yowling - a sound I have never heard before. I ran in (in hind sight that was not the smartest thing I could do but... Shigom is my sweet, sweet girl) I got Shigom out and we locked the other dogs in the unused goat pen so I could assess the damage. I fully expected a broken back, missing flesh and lots of blood. I prayed from the moment I screamed "God, please let my dog be OK, please let my dog be OK." It was the prayer of a desperate child and that is exactly how I felt. It is nothing short of a miracle and I, still today, stand all amazed - not a mark on her, no broken bones, no blood just a bruise and some swelling. Her limp went away after a few days and then of course, Dozer ran into her again (he is a bit clumsy - think of a bull dozer turning - now you know how he got his name). Now, she is limping again so she gets a pain pill once a day.

Bella punctured her inner thigh and has edema under her belly from getting struck. What happened, you ask? She stepped on a pitch fork and the the handle hit her belly and the tine of the fork punctured her thigh. So the vet came out last night to check her over. $171 later she is fine, a bit sore and getting a betadine rinse twice a day.

We vaccinated all three horses yesterday (this is when we discovered Bella's issue). We checked on them this morning and everyone was fine. Tonight, just in time for dinner, Max started having issues. He was showing neurological issues (stumbling, twitching, eyes rolling, heavy breathing). Luckily he was only having a reaction to the West Nile vaccine and not a major issue. I called our wonderful the vet yet again and we did a phone consult. With hot packs and banamine and butte he pulled out of it just fine.

Where am I headed with all of these part stories? I should have gone to vet school the way I wanted to when I was 11. I may not make any money but I sure would have saved a dollar or two! We are faced with endless crisis and endless worry and endless love for our animals. Through it all - we pray.

*****
We talked yesterday about how being too busy to ride and that perhaps we should sell the horses. We both just looked at each other for a moment to two and then burst out laughing. Knowing us, that is the most ridiculous idea I have ever come up with. Not quite as bad as moving to Alaska, but close. We have recommitted ourselves to living the life we want, kids or not. We live on a farm because we love the space and privacy. There is always something to do (chores) and we enjoy working on building our dream. These are some of the reasons I love our place. This is the land of my heart and the haven of my soul. Through it all - we pray




















Our second adoption interview was cancelled due to a baby being born and placement taking place. At first I was disappointed and heart broken to be pushed into the back seat yet again. But after a family consultation I realized that it is a wonderful thing; how could I have been so selfish as to miss it?! Someone is being reunited with their child! Somewhere two families are becoming one to raise and care for a chosen child of God.

I know our time will come and we will have our time to be that couple. We want so desperately to be parents and to raise and love a child. I hope that our Birth Mother is preparing and realizing that there is a plan for us, someday we will meet and renew a friendship that started long before these present moments. I am so humbled that adoption is a process that we are able to go through and that some way, some how, we will be chosen to be parents to a very special child. I hope our Birth Mother knows that we pray for her daily, even now when our placement is so far off and our paper work is not complete - we pray. Through it all - we pray.

Where ever you are, what ever your circumstance, we love you and will love you the best way we know how. Through it all - we pray